I read this today, it was also by "Las Vegas Sun" about Bette Midler's final performance, and at the end they made up what a meeting of the executives, discussing how to fill Bette's space, would be like I thought it was funny
"We imagined a meeting of AEG Live/Concerts West executives back in April, as they round-tabled a plan to replace Elton John. We again envision a top-secret meeting of relevant and suited people swapping ideas to replace Midler ...
Executive I: OK, first, a moment of silence for the late Bette Midler ...
Executive II: She's not dead!
Executive I: No, but her last show started 15 minutes behind schedule!
Executive II: Nice.
Executive I Can I get a rim shot!
Executive III: Didn't Pete Barbutti tell a joke like that once? Cross Pete Barbutti off the list.
Executive I: OK. Seriously, folks. Maybe we should be looking at comics, right? Anyone out there?
Executive II: Jay Leno!
Executive III: Oh, sure. He's got more baggage than Bette's opening number.
Executive I: Right, and if I wanted old material I'd call ...
Executive III: Pete Barbutti?
Executive I: Right. And we've already got Jerry Seinfeld. Who else?
Executive II: Chelsea Lately!
Executive III: That's the name of her show. You mean, Chelsea Handler.
Executive I: Chelsea Effing Handler, actually. Talk about a raunchy act. She makes Bette Midler look like Marie Osmond.
Executive II: Well, hey! What about Donny & Marie!
Executive I: Not bad. Their ticket sales at the Flamingo Showroom have been off the hook.
Executive III: "Off the hook?" Sounds like you're channeling Don Marrandino.
Executive II: Guilty. But we're talking about 3,500 more seats at The Colosseum than the Flamingo. I don't know ...
Executive I: We could work in some sort of a promotion. Every ticket holder also gets a signed Marie Osmond doll.
Executive III: You think Marie Osmond is going to commit to signing several thousand dolls a week?
Executive I: I never said anything about Marie signing the dolls.
Executive II: Then who's signing them? Cher?
(Laughter)
Executive I: OK, put Donny & Marie down. Who else?
Executive III: Celine Dion!
Executive I: Working on it, working on it.
Executive III: The box office staff would form a conga line.
Executive II: It wouldn't be the first time.
Executive I: OK, who else?
Executive II: Mariah Carey, no?
Executive I: We'll see how it goes Feb. 27. A real possibility.
Executive III: Right. But am I the only one concerned with that drunken speech she gave at the People's Choice Awards?
Executive I: Yes.
Executive II: I, for one, love her.
Executive III: But what if she shows up onstage in that condition? Ever think of that?
Executive I:No. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
Executive II: She could do a show drunk, is all. Has that ever happened at Caesars Palace?
Executive I: Let's ask the ghost of Dean Martin.
Executive III: Wow. All right, I'm in. Rack Mariah Carey.
Executive I: Watch how you say that. OK, who else?
Executive III: Celine Dion!
Executive I: She's already on the list!
Executive III: Lest we forget ...
Executive I: OK, who else?
Executive II: Garth Brooks!
Executive I: Oh, that's funny.
Executive II: I told you about Garth Brooks.
Executive III: He did great in those private shows here last year, right?
Executive I: Yes, and if anyone had kicked in with an 11-seat Challenger Jet — new or used — I would have been really happy.
Executive II: Well, 4,000 seats is a lot for just a guy with a guitar.
Executive III: We've got Jerry Seinfeld and he's a guy with no guitar.
Executive I: Point taken, but that horse has left the barn, as it were. Who else?
Executive II: Matt Goss!
Executive I: A Goss-pirational idea! But shouldn't we at least finish renovating Cleopatra's Barge before we put him in the Goss-oleum? I mean, Colosseum?
Executive III: Give him a New Year's Eve show and see what happens.
Executive II: It won't be the Barge, but it'll be sink or swim for Matt Goss!
Executive I: Oooh, that's Gossy-good. Give that to our marketing department.
Executive II: Will do!
Executive I: OK, who else?
Executive III: Celine Dion!
Executive II (adopting a Ricky Ricardo accent): Eeef it's not Celine, we have some 'splainin' to do!
Executive III: Well, we could always call Elton back.
Executive I: Or, Jake Shimabukuro. He's great.
Executive II: He's the Garth Brooks of the ukulele, and he has his own transportation.
Executive I: Amen to that."
http://www.lasvegass...visited-bette-/
Edited by alvaap24, 02 February 2010 - 08:27 PM.