960 replies to this topic

[KimboCosmo]

celinedionsfan, on Jan 12 2008, 01:21 PM, said:

KimboCosmo, on Jan 12 2008, 04:02 AM, said:

celinedionsfan, on Jan 12 2008, 03:55 AM, said:

No one is calling you a freak... I am not calling you names or making fun of you... I have taken this very seriously... you wanted to know what others thought and I have told you what I think, what I know and what I feel.  I have been honest with you because honesty is what is important.

I know you aren't calling me one, but others on here might think that when they read the posts.  There is no reason for anyone to attack for this conversation.  

Honesty is why I came here tonight, guys...I'm tired of "having" to lie.  So what?  I'm depressed...who hasn't been, right?  I believe its a brave thing to do actually...

Life isn't always a picture perfect setting.  I'm just tired, I'm tired of smiling and pretending everything is hunky dory, when inside everything is messed up.  Everything.  Every aspect of my life...it's rediculous.

Kim... you are not alone...

Thankyou Mom...its great to know someone is here when I get home from work...I can always turn to the internet!  I love you guys!        

[celinedionsfan]

Dear Kim,

I will never pretend to understand exactly what you are going through and/or feeling.  That just is not possible.  I am not you.  I have not lived your life or had your experiences.  What I will tell you is that I do understand what it feels like to be depressed... to struggle to get through the days and nights... to wonder why I'm here... I understand what it's like to feel lonely and afraid.  I understand what it's like to feel a sadness so deep that it is hard to imagine ever feeling happy again... I know what it's like when the pain inside is so strong and hurts so much that I couldn't imagine getting through another moment... I know what it's like to be drowning in such darkness that there doesn't seem to be any way to ever find the light again.  I understand what it feels like to not care anymore... to lose hope... to struggle to find reasons to want to take another breath... I know what it feels like to believe that no one really cares and no one would really care if I just stopped being in this world... that the people who do know me would be so much better off if I just wasn't here anymore... because then they wouldn't have to listen to me or deal with me or worry about me...  I know what it feels like to believe that I'm just a waste of time... I understand what it feels like to be alive only because my heart and lungs work without any effort from me...  I know what it feels like to fall... to struggle to get back up only to fall again... and not even want to try to get up again... I know how it feels to have people say: "Get over it", "Cheer up",  "think positive", "Things will get better", "there are people worse of than you"... and I know how much worse I felt whenever I heard those words... how much they didn't help... I know what it's like to lose faith... to lose my way...

And I know something else, Kim... I am not alone... whatever the reasons... others know and face the same things... and together... not alone... we struggle and help each other... and we do it one breath at a time when that's all we can handle...

[KimboCosmo]

Ok, for the first time in like months....I just shed a tear reading that.  It finally came...I can cry again!  So I'm not going to try to stop them, because this is what I really needed...I've been so bound up that I forgot how to cry.  Wow.

Thankyou again, Mom, for your encouragment...every word helps, you have no idea just how much.

Edited by KimboCosmo, 13 January 2008 - 12:20 AM.

[celinedionsfan]

You don't have to thank me, Kim... this is not going to be easy... and I am not going to lie to you and say that it will be... but you are worthwhile... you matter... your life matters... you are a gift in this world and to this world...

[KimboCosmo]

I'm listening

[celinedionsfan]

You have to do more than listen... you have to believe it and that really is the hardest part...

[KimboCosmo]

I know that  

[celinedionsfan]

Knowing and doing are not the same... be gentle with yourself...

[KimboCosmo]

I know!   I'm trying here!

Edited by KimboCosmo, 13 January 2008 - 12:34 AM.

[celinedionsfan]

Sometimes trying really is the best we can do... and that's okay...

[KimboCosmo]

Ok good that you know that!  One min at a time!  Thats all for now that I can think about...just each min.

[celinedionsfan]

Honey sometimes I can only do a breath at time because a minute is just too much to think about!

[KimboCosmo]

I hear ya!!

[KimboCosmo]

   Life....it can twist your heart, put you in the dark, I was cold and lonely

Doubt, it can close you in, build the walls within, I let fear control me

[Célinefull]

I'm sending you my love and support Kim! I've been feeling a little mixed up lately myself...I've been on my own for 2 years now and I think i'm starting to feel it now...loneliness has made me do some stupid things just recently.

[KimboCosmo]

Célinefull, on Jan 13 2008, 02:42 AM, said:

I'm sending you my love and support Kim! I've been feeling a little mixed up lately myself...I've been on my own for 2 years now and I think i'm starting to feel it now...loneliness has made me do some stupid things just recently.

Loneliness is a crazzzzzzzzzzzzzy thing    What kind of things have you done recently that were stupid?  If you don't mind my asking?  You don't have to tell if you don't want to!

[Célinefull]

you can add me on msn if you want to talk, it's in my profile

[KimboCosmo]

Célinefull, on Jan 13 2008, 02:55 AM, said:

you can add me on msn if you want to talk, it's in my profile

I added you   

[mazceline]

Even when you have a family around you, you can still feel the pain of being lonely, i have the most precious son and is my world and for a time filled in my hole, but there comes a time when even thats not enough, and you try to use other ways of coping, i just hope i can keep my head over water and not go back down that path again, cause believe me i dont think i would get out the other side this time.

Edited by mazceline, 14 January 2008 - 04:48 AM.

[KimboCosmo]

mazceline, on Jan 14 2008, 05:47 AM, said:

Even when you have a family around you, you can still feel the pain of being lonely, i have the most precious son and is my world and for a time filled in my hole, but there comes a time when even thats not enough, and you try to use other ways of coping, i just hope i can keep my head over water and not go back down that path again, cause believe me i dont think i would get out the other side this time.

I know that feeling too!  Yeah, sometimes family isn't really what you need to "talk" to...I know I couldn't talk with my family about half the stuff that goes on in my life!

[celinedionsfan]

Sometimes it is difficult for people to understand what they have never experienced... other times people just don't know how to deal with these situations because they have been tauight to build walls ... to keep everything inside... to not let their feelings show... it's not that they won't be there... they just don't know how because no one was ever there for them...

[KimboCosmo]

That is so my family...no one in my family tells what is going on with them...that's why they walk around like mummies tied up...bc they are so bound up...I have to talk about my probs..

[celinedionsfan]

And here... this topic... is one of the places where you can talk... and know that others will listen...

[KimboCosmo]

I know that now...

I wish I had found this a long time ago!  I did a search the other night and couldn't find it!  Thanks for pulling it up Mom!

[Edwin]

I feel like someone left the air out of my tires right now. Hopefully going out to get lunch and being in the cool air helps me get out of this funk.

[celinedionsfan]

Maybe talking about it would help...

[Edwin]

Listening and singing to I Got Nothing Left helped a lot. But I dont' even know what it was that brought me down, it was just like, ehh

[KimboCosmo]

Awww Eddie    I suppose everyone has those days, eh?

[celinedionsfan]

Sometimes more often that we want to admit!

[Krys]

few days ago i thought i needed a good cry. it didnt happen though