Giving advice to friends

[Lia]

I wish you all the Goodluck how it turn out... just be happy for yourself Okey..

 

 

I can't wait for my Lesson 7 or 8 I think

[1Celine12]

Lesson 7 is where we're at.

 

Merci for wishing me good luck.

[raluca]

i'm curious to find out how things went hope everything it's fine

[Célinefull]

To answer, even though I am late, I think you should always try to help your friends, but make sure you don't try to change their mind too much, you know?

[Krys]

Amen.

 

give us the details of what happened

[1Celine12]

I am not gonna call him today because I wanna give him another day before I break the news that we are no longer friends. If you guys have already read my posts, you will know that this is for Michael's well-being. Like I said before, I need friends that will like me for me, not like me for what I am. Tomorrow will be the day that I break the news to him. I'm nervous about it, but I will get through it.

[Lia]

well I wish you all the Goodluck again... and hoping too that you will move on fast cause, no matter what you will miss him too.

[1Celine12]

I am not going to miss him. Before I started this topic, I was actually considering breaking up with him, because he is too much "weight" on my shoulders and I can't live with that or the guilt anymore.

[Lia]

I see.. so, it's official then that the friendship is over... to bad you are such a nice person... Oh, well its his lost.. not your..

[1Celine12]

I do have my days where I get really mad, but I don't want you to find that out.

 

It is his loss for not having me as a friend. He is a needy person and I think that it's time for me to move on and make friends that aren't needy at all. Or aren't as needy as Michael is, was and always will be.

[1Celine12]

I just tried to call Michael and he said that he was eating lunch, so I have to call him at 1:30 his time. The 3rd post will be about what was said as far as the break up goes. Keep checking back to see what was said and {LEASE do post your comments on it.

[1Celine12]

I just got off the phone with Michael @ 4:50p.m my time and I was explaining everything that we talked about here. I told him we can e-mail each other and talk about what's going on in each other's life. I just don't want him to bore me with bad news. He also :cried: alot. I told him to let his emotions go because this was quite a shocker to him. I was nervous at first, but told myself not to be. I told myself "I have to get this over with and I have to get it over with this moment." He feels the same way I did about our friendship. He feels that if I wanna end the friendship, then I can. He realizes that I need to live my life too you know.

 

I need some ideas on how to not call him anymore. I know it will be hard for the first couple of weeks, but I have a tendency to call him all the time. What can I do to not call him anymore? Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[VanMerlin]

Every time you pick up the phone, ask yourself, why? Why do you want to talk to him? What will you get out of it? What will he get out of it? Is it a decision you really want to make or is it simply a routine? Is calling him a beneficial thing to do...is it a step forward or a step backward? I bet you'll soon find yourself realizing that you don't really want to call him, but that it's simply a reflex. And once you realize why you want to call him, you'll be able to find another activity that satisfies that want without starting this entire thing all over again.

 

The best way to stop doing something is to replace it with something else. When you feel like phoning him, go and do something else that will give you a feeling of accomplishmen. Start a new routine that will occupy you in those times you used to call him.

[1Celine12]

I used to call him @ 11 am in the morning, but now I am just gonna think of something else to do that occupies that time. I will be on the computer or watch tv or do something that makes me take my mind off of calling him at that time.

 

Do you think I can still e-mail him to talk a little bit about how our lives are going or do you think that's a bad idea?

[VanMerlin]

Emailing is different, of course, because it doesn't occupy your time unless you want that time to be occupied. It's very unobtrusive, you can read it when you want to, send it when you want to, and you can choose what you say, so if you want to vent as well, email gives you the freedom to do so. You can also choose what you will answer from his email...and you don't have him immediately on the other line wanting something from him.

 

But it depends. If you feel he was needy on the phone, he won't be any less needy with email. The only difference is that email gives you the ability to read it or not, to respond or not. If you wanted to break off the friendship today, I wouldn't recommend emailing him either. If you don't want to talk to him on the phone and you don't get along with the person he fundamentally is, email is not going to change the situation.

 

A person who drains and tires you will do it through the phone, through letters, through email...it's only the medium that changes. So, whether you email him is up to you...do you want to continue the relationship, or do you just not want to deal with anymore? Or do you want to see how it goes? Just how far did you break the relationship today?

[1Celine12]

You decide for yourself:

 

I told him everything that was said in this topic. I told him that I need to have a life and have friends that care for who I am not what I am. I also told him that he was a "weight" that I needed to have lifted off of my shoulders. I see where you are coming from when you say that he is needy. I think he will be needy through enails also. After I get his email back that I sent him I am not going to send him one ever again. I needed him to realize that he was a burden to me. Every time I would get off the phone from talking to him, I was angry at him and would keep thinking about it for days on end. That's why I broke the friendship off.

 

VanMerlin, have you had this same situation happen in your life? It seems like you know the perfect things to say to someone like Michael. Thank You for all your help through this. What Céline song from ONCP US version should I play that makes me forget about Michael totally?

[VanMerlin]

You're welcome. If you feel lighter after all of this, that's a good thing.

 

Hey, just put in the ONCP CD and play it from beginning to end. I don't have the CD so I can't recommend a certain track, but I'm sure her voice will be enough to take you away...

[1Celine12]

I do feel lighter after all of this. You didn't answer my question. Have you had a situation like this in life that has been like this? You sure do sound like you can give people the right words to say for something like this. I will put in ONCP and listen to it from beginning to end. You're the greatest friend a guy can have. If you ever need help in a situation like this or anything PM me and I will help the best way I know how.

[VanMerlin]

No, I've never gone through this, but I am known around my place as "the old soul guru." I just know people, I guess, always trying to keep in mind that each person has a heart, mind, soul, and personality that we all must be gentle with, and I can see both sides of almost every situation. I'm big on fairness (which you'll see in the 'Mariah with fake abs thread...think I'll tick someone off there? ha ha ha). I've learned a lot in my life about how to deal with people and I can get an impression of a person rather quickly. I don't know, man. I'm just glad I could help.

 

I'm always around if you need anything else. You did great with Michael. Thank you for your kind words.

 

Maybe I should become a therapist?

Edited March 10, 2006 at 02:16 AM by VanMerlin

[1Celine12]

You're welcome. I really hope he can get thropugh this. He is a strong person and will get through this. He told me that he has a hole in his heart and I told him time heals all wounds. Think I should have said that? He will heal as time goes on.

[VanMerlin]

That's really all you can say. He'll move on, find new paths, grow in leaps and bounds within his soul, and this is something you'll both learn a lot from. It's good. It may not feel that way, but it's good.

[1Celine12]

Remember that I told you guys that he is totally blind? Well I just emailed him yesterday on his Mom's address, and just a little while ago I got an email from his Mom that said she feels uncomfortable reading the emails to him and they don't have a program called Jaws. Jaws reads the whole page for a blind person so they can surf the net alone. I think it's good that his Mom doesn't want me to send him emails. Why? Because that will break myself free from all of this faster. He doesn't need to know what's going on in my life and vice versa. Like you said VanMerlin, he will be needy no matter which form of communication I use: email, letter, phone. Whatever. This whole thing is for the best for both of us. Not just one or the other.

 

I listened to cd1 of ONCP US version last night like you suggested VanMerlin and the whole cd made me feel "lighter" after listening to it. I pictured Céline standing next to me saying that things will get better. And things will get better. I am gonna listen to cd2 the last and final cd in the collection and that one too will make me feel "lighter". :flowers:

[1Celine12]

You decide for yourself: 

 

I told him everything that was said in this topic.  I told him that I need to have a life and have friends that care for who I am not what I am.  I also told him that he was a "weight"  that I needed to have lifted off of my shoulders.  I see where you are coming from when you say that he is needy.  I think he will be needy through enails also.  After I get his email back that I sent him I am not going to send him one ever again.  I needed him to realize that he was a burden to me.  Every time I would get off the phone from talking to him, I was angry at him and would keep thinking about it for days on end.  That's why I broke the friendship off.

 

You didn't decide if I broke the friendship totally on the 9th or not. What do you think? Did I or didn't I break the friendship totally off?

[ZoraSourit]

When you love a person so much or maybe too much, the only and main thing you think about is the well being of that person, you want he/she to suceed, to do really good... to be the best that they can be, to be themselves and to always do the right thing because you love him/her and you want only the best for him/her, you don't want him/her to get hurt.

But the thing is sometimes people need to fall to learn how to get up at first, then latter learn how to fall and then finally learn to stand no matter what. It's good to give advice to people you love, but somthing I've learned with time is: give advice to people that ask for it. Even if it's not your intention it may seem that you are trying to impose your will over something, anything or everything. And that should never be your aim.

At school, due to my future occupation, I get classes about how to deal with people, how to make them to feel good and how to make them fell understanded. The teachers are always saying that If someone says "I'm really feeling bad today", you can't go "Oh c'mon! You should do this!". You'll be much more accepted if you say "I understand what you're saying. And I'm here, I'm by yourside. Anything you need, just call."

 

I think that showing the person who's going through a rough time that you are there no matter what is better than giving advices. Giving advices is great if people ask you for one.

 

Well lol THat's only my opinion and my experience. Good luck with your friend.

[1Celine12]

You should read the whole topic and understand that I have let him go and will never care or hopefully see him again. The true test is Monday. Why? Because my sister was sick for the last three days and with her being home that made me realize that I don't need to call him, except for Friday the 10 when I let him go. She is going back to school and with her gone that will tempt me to call him @ 11 am in the morning. I will tell you guys how Monday went at 8pm in the evening and tell you if I called Michael.

 

Like you said VanMerlin, I need to stay busy during the 11:00 hour. And I will. I don't know what I will be doing, but I will be doing something.

[mazceline]

did you get rid of him then and how did he take it

[HelenCeline27]

i think you should run as far as you can away from him

[1Celine12]

maz, yes I did get rid of him. I have been broken up from him for 1 month. In May I am gonna buy a cd as a reward. I am gonna buy Alan Jackson's "Precious Memories." That is a great song. I saw the video for "I'll Fly Away" and I LOVED it. Everyone, thank you for the support.