What's this?

[Shall]

Singer Reunited With Birth Mother

 

Singing sensation C閘ine Dion is believed to be suffering from post traumatic shock tonight, following a highly emotional reunion with the mother whom she has never met. The Las Vagas performer is said to be recuperating in her Caesers Palace home after the shock of the reunion with her natural mother, Mary Stakes, late last night. It is believed that C閘ine抯 Mother was forced to give up the superstar as a baby, due to the unmarriad teenage mother抯 parents deep Catholic beliefs. After spending 23 years in a French orphanage C閘ine was adopted by her Manager/Husband, R閚殚 and thrust into the limelight with her debut single 慏抋mour ou d抋mitie? (慖抦 Fond Of Cheese?.

 

Dion抯 birth mother, Ms Stakes 93, a gas station attendant from Jakesville Trailer-trash Park in Milwaukee, Illinois is said to be overcome with the revelation that her daughter is a billionaire megastar. C閘ine抯 new sister/cousin, Lerlene-Bonny Stakes admits, 揙h we抮e just amazed how much money she has, we were savin?up for a new commode but now I guess we can spend it on another tube of Pop抯 foot cream. We抮e gonna treat her just like family. We抮e holdin?her a thigh slappin?knees up in our trailer next week the whole family is coming. My husband, C閘ine抯 new brother, Dirk is coming back from the oil mine special.?br>

A Spokesperson from Team C閘ine released a statement from the singers management early this morning. 揂lthough Ms Dion does look uncannily like her mother she is insisting on waiting for the results from a paternity DNA test to confirm whether or not Ms Stakes?accusations are true. Until then she asks to be left alone to come to terms with the situation. Despite knowing about her adoption, her busy schedule has denied her the time to prepare herself for any reunion with blood relatives. She will also not be meeting with the Stakes family until she is legally obliged to.?

 

The suprise reunion was organised by reality TV show; 慡uprise! You抳e Been Living A Lie?and begins transmission on E! this Spring. However, it is unknown whether this episode will make it to the screen due to its violent content. When the film crew burst into C閘ine's home to suprise her she was caught completely off guard and a little naked. She flew into a violent rage and threw one of the camera men out of the window then punched her bodyguard in the face, screaming 搚ou抮e bloody useless? 揑t was awful,?reveals the shows director Margaret Marguerite, 搒he just picked this guy up and tossed him off the balcony, luckily she抯 scared of heights so we were on the ground floor, but it was still very very scary, she is suprisingly strong.?br>

Long time friend and fellow celebrity Diana Ross was horrified when she heard the news of the reunion. 揥hat? She comes from trash? How can I be seen out with her now. I can抰 talk to trash.?br>

Dion is one of the most successful solo artists in history. She has sold over 32 trillion albums in 498 countries, including her 慣itanic?smash, 慚y Heart Will Go On?which stayed number one in the UK for 6 years.

 

Ms Dion 32, originally from Montr閍l, Canada was unavailable for comment tonight, it is unknown whether she will be attending the family抯 trailer party next Tuesday.

[canadachick]

It HAS to be a joke. I mean come on, Celine looks so much like her parents, especially her dad. And she could almost pass as Manon's twin. There's NO WAY Therese and Adhemar are NOT Celine's parents. I don't believe this article at all. Where did it come from anyway? It says her supposed mom is 93 yet gave her up as a baby because she was a teenage mother. Uh, she's either not 93 or Celine isn't 38...do the math. The lady wouldn't have been a teenager.

[Ethan]

It’s one of those silly articles people post on sites such on Uncyclopedia. Some people find them amusing.

 

Here's another one:

Vaseline-Dionne 27, professionally known as Céline Dion, is the most recent of a series of genetically-engineered horse/human hybrids created by Canadian scientists in an attempt to corner the world horse market.

 

An unexpected side effect of the hybridization process was the creature's voice, which causes a range of effects ranging from hypnosis, to the compulsion to dress babies as flowers, to spontaneous combustion.

 

This voice has been known to cure cancer. However, it is among the leading causes of brain tumors in sheep and other dromedaries.

 

This voice's power has also been known to have caused the Kobe earthquake after a recording on 6th August 1982 sent seismic waves from Canada to japan.

 

Celine Dion originally came to fame in a Japanese micro-cheese-propellor-gun commerical where she flashed her boobs. She was the first one to gain fame through p*** and has since been followed by harry Potter friend Paris Hilton and her sister My buttcrack.

 

Céline Dion also has a fettish for older men. Her husband Dr Fraishé Mabooza is a young 345 years old and runs the seedy DADADA Céline Dion Casino in Las Vegas, New York, Vienna and Melbourne. Dr Fraishé Mabooza is known to hire only midgets to work in his casinos. Unfortunatly, the only real source of midgetsis in Vienna, Austria.

 

Recently, Céline Dion has been seen with South American superstar Ricky Martin and it is roumered that they are planning Dion's 699th Duet album to be titled "Dion and Rickey, The special two."

 

This Canada-related article smells funny. You can help Uncyclopedia by giving it a bath.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Celine_Dion

 

People have too much time on their hands.

 

/ Ethan

Edited November 13, 2005 at 05:25 AM by Ethan

[Bellamy]

bullshit

[Ethan]

bullshit

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good analysis, Bellamy. The people who write those articles have too much time on their hands. They need to find more productive outlets for their energy.

 

/ Ethan

Edited November 13, 2005 at 05:23 AM by Ethan

[Shall]

It’s one of those silly articles people post on sites such on Uncyclopedia. Some people find them amusing.

 

Here's another one:

Vaseline-Dionne 27, professionally known as Céline Dion, is the most recent of a series of genetically-engineered horse/human hybrids created by Canadian scientists in an attempt to corner the world horse market.

 

An unexpected side effect of the hybridization process was the creature's voice, which causes a range of effects ranging from hypnosis, to the compulsion to dress babies as flowers, to spontaneous combustion.

 

This voice has been known to cure cancer. However, it is among the leading causes of brain tumors in sheep and other dromedaries.

 

This voice's power has also been known to have caused the Kobe earthquake after a recording on 6th August 1982 sent seismic waves from Canada to japan.

 

Celine Dion originally came to fame in a Japanese micro-cheese-propellor-gun commerical where she flashed her boobs. She was the first one to gain fame through p*** and has since been followed by harry Potter friend Paris Hilton and her sister My buttcrack.

 

Céline Dion also has a fettish for older men. Her husband Dr Fraishé Mabooza is a young 345 years old and runs the seedy DADADA Céline Dion Casino in Las Vegas, New York, Vienna and Melbourne. Dr Fraishé Mabooza is known to hire only midgets to work in his casinos. Unfortunatly, the only real source of midgetsis in Vienna, Austria.

 

Recently, Céline Dion has been seen with South American superstar Ricky Martin and it is roumered that they are planning Dion's 699th Duet album to be titled "Dion and Rickey, The special two."

 

This Canada-related article smells funny. You can help Uncyclopedia by giving it a bath.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Celine_Dion

 

People have too much time on their hands.

 

/ Ethan

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Thanks for your information. I mean, Uncyclopedia is just the website that my teacher advised us to visit

[anewdayhascome]

that's rubbish

[Mozinha]

I'm so sorry for the people who write this stuff. Imagine how boring and useless their lifes must be.... Edited November 13, 2005 at 09:06 AM by Mozinha

[Celine's Wife]

That's the biggest crock of S**T that I've ever heard!

 

 

 

[Bellamy]

Thanks for your information. I mean, Uncyclopedia is just the website that my teacher advised us to visit

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

that site is just full of bullshit. why can't your teacher ask you to read something useful?

[CelineRox]

[Krys]

whole bunch of crap imo!!! that lady who is 93 that claims to be Celine's mom must be mad! that lady would be 50 something when she gave birth to Celine...which a highly dangerous age to get pregnant...

 

thats why some of these people end up working for tabloids...

[nano]

[george]

it is really insulting for artists when such articles face the day!!!!those idiots who write all this crap should be kept away from ''journalism''....mercy......no matter what, fans do not get affected by such stupidity and people who can really divide reality from fake madness and data can see where these articles suffer....

[celine_rules]

even though the article is fake, it's still funny

[Krys]

it is kinda funny once you think back again

[maxceline]

here is what i ìve found about Céline and VEGAS:

 

Dion fears fans' germs

 

 

10/11/2005 - 13:33:27

 

Canadian singer Celine Dion is scared to leave her hotel during her Las Vegas residency because she fears she will be mobbed by fans and pick up their germs.

 

The My Heart Will Go On hitmaker, who has been wowing audiences with her nightly performances at Sin City's Caesar's Palace, is terrified she will catch an illness that will force her to cancel her show.

 

She says: "Because of air-conditioning, meeting a lot of people, shaking hands - there's more chances to get sick."

[adi dion]

this is so stupid! but really funny

 

i hate these stupid people...

[tativale]

HUHuahUHAuHAUhaUHAUHuHAUhUAHuahauha

 

I've never seen so many jokes at once!!!! LMAO

[Krys]

LMAO!!! hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahaha

 

it just messes me up everytime i read those! hahahahaha