"Save"

[Sephyr]

tell me what you think about it...I'm 16 and I've been writing since the 6th grade. There are several metaphors in this song and trust me that everything said doesn't mean what it appears to. Maybe one day I'll have enough money to record it lol

 

“Save”

by: Sephyr

© Sephyr Enter-reignment

 

Intro:

When the sunsets for the last time

And my heart beats its last rhythm

I feel I will experience true happiness..

 

Verse:

I’m kneeling over the toilet

Trying to vomit up my feelings for you

I’ve been made to be a mess

By all of the things you put me through

My body is weaker than normal

And my eyesight is so blurry

It’s like trying to look through a window in a thunderstorm

It’s hard for outside images to take form

 

B-section:

I’m falling of a sixty story building

I wonder what predestine this is fulfilling

My whole life flashes across the ceiling

And my heart cries out in need of healing

 

Chorus:

Save, Save, Save, Save, Save

Someone help me find my way

I’m in dire need of assistance

To restore happiness’ existence

All my tears create an ocean

And I’m being drowned by my devotion

Sinking so quickly, nothing to grab

A chance to repent is all I ask for

 

Verse:

I’ve paid for all of my past iniquity

And now nightmares are suffocating me

Shadows of infatuations won’t let go

Although I thought I had let them go

Look at these scars on my body

From the razorblade my love beseeched me

Why do I risk my life for moments of passion

I guess I’ve fashioned my life in transgression

 

B-Section

 

Chorus

 

Bridge:

Soulless actions and faux satisfaction

Every second leads to a chain reaction

I’ve wondered in circles like a motherless child

I experienced holiness yet I still went wild

Love has been waiting for me to fall into it

But I kept trying to avoid it because

It seemed like it would cause me destruction

But now I realize that I’ve caused my own

 

Chorus Out

[Celine's Wife]

Hmmm, the lyrics have a punk rockish feel to them, I could be wrong though

[Sephyr]

i never really thought about it like that...I guess so. More feedback please lol

[Celine's Wife]

I think the whole "vomiting up my feelings in the toilet" line made it kinda feel lyrically like it should be a punk rock song

[Sephyr]

i was afraid that line would throw people off...lol. I think people don't get that the song is about coming full circle in your life, getting rid of feelings for past love, realizing that you're not living right, and finding out that you're the cause of all your problems.

[raluca]

this song isn't for me lol don't get me wrong but i really see it like a rock song...i think the lyrics match perfectly i understant the messag...but somehow it's just weird for me sorry! no ofense! but that's my honest opinion as a lyricst too...cause i write songs too...and perhaps my songs would sound strange for you too

[Sephyr]

yeah it was honestly weird for me...but the words just flowed out of me. I've never written anything like that before. ***New Experience*** I changed the vomiting part though, many people were taking that the wrong way.

[Sephyr]

Here's something a little more normal

 

“The Rhythm (El Ritmo English Vrsn)”

by: Sephyr

© Sephyr Enter-reignment

 

Intro:

Spanish lullaby at a record pace

Brand new phase is taking place

Nobody could feel how I feel now

You’ve worn me down

 

Verse:

The discotheque’s on fire like it’s been torched

The atmosphere is sexy without being forced

It’s just so sexual yet very tasteful

Nothing could be better, it’s all magical

I feel your eyes staring from across the room

I’m trying to be cool and ignore you

But I secretly want to run into your arms

And be so happy and safe from alarm

 

Hook:

The vibe is pulsating like a dance beat

And our souls connect just so quickly

 

Chorus:

The rhythm is marrying us tonight

And we shall kiss under the neon lights

You’ll hold on to me like I’m the only

And you keep saying that you love me

I’m in your heart and you’re in my mine

We’re into the mood, we forget the time

The dawn breaks when we leave the place

And I feel so complete when I see your face

 

I see your face, I see your face, I see your face

 

Verse:

You come over and ask me what my name is

I tell you and you tell me yours too

Just during that little conversation

Inside my heart became destined to have you

We start to dance and the romance kicks off

We move so close and let the music control

I’m totally hypnotized by your eyes

I can now say that I feel so alive

 

Hook:

The vibe is pulsating like a dance beat

And our souls connect just so quickly

The band plays like a soundtrack of love

Your presense is enough to take me above

 

Chorus:

The rhythm is marrying us tonight

And we shall kiss under the neon lights

You’ll hold on to me like I’m the only

And you keep saying that you love me

I’m in your heart and you’re in my mine

We’re into the mood, we forget the time

The dawn breaks when we leave the place

And I feel so complete when I see your face

 

Bridge:

Tell me you love me

Oh you say you do

I can tell you’re sincere

You can’t be untrue

I love you too

And the rhythm

Our inspiration

Our love’s beginning

 

Chorus

[Celine's Wife]

Hmmm, can't put m finger on it, but I think I like the quirkiness of the last one

[raluca]

it's so disco..but it's nice

[VanMerlin]

For a 16 year old, you're doing great. There's a lot of depth and maturity in what you write. You have a good grasp of symbolism and imagery...very important in good songwriting IMO. I love it in your first post when you said, "everything doesn't mean what it appears to." That is EXCELLENT for songwriting.

 

The first definitely has a rock vibe to it, mainly because of the angst and anger in it. It has a, "I'm drowning," feel to it, which is very rock.

 

The second sounds more like a pop song with a dance-like latin beat to it. It would do well with Latin drums and bass.

 

One word for you...deep. Keep going. I wish today's songwriters would put as much thought and emotion into a song as you do, instead of all the simple one-dimensional crap we get today.

 

So try to record them. If you play an instrument, great. If not, just get some type of simple recording device and go full steam ahead, if you haven't already. You're talented.

[Sephyr]

thank you so much for the feedback! I think you got what i was going for and i appreciate your words of encouragement

[Sephyr]

I got another one, i wanted to change the topic to Seph's Lyrics but i couldn't lol so...

 

Infinite Regret

by: Sephyr

@Sephyr Enter-reignment

 

Verse 1:

Hear melodies of desire

Flow from my sacred lyre

The embracing fire

That keeps my heart warm

On those iceberg nights

When you’re far away…

I hope that wherever

You are tonight

You pretend me your pillow

And hold me tight

So I can feel our connection

And take flight…

Into an unparalleled dimension

Where I can take my ascension

Into your arms and

Be engulfed my your charm

And take rest

Free from all alarm

 

Chorus:

Nobody thinks the hottest desert will receive rain

An immortal sufferer can be freed from their pain

But I know inside hope there is relief

You will eventually come back to me

 

Verse 2:

Hear my loud cries

And exclamations of my loss

See my body

So weary from the exhaust

Midnight walks through

Black holes deep inside

My only hope is

To be crushed by the tide

So I can be humble

And ask for forgiveness

I know you are here

Just only hidden

So hear me when I

Beg for your pardon

I hate that I’m the cause

Of your heart hardening

 

Chorus:

Nobody thinks the hottest desert will receive rain

An immortal sufferer can be freed from their pain

But I know inside hope there is relief

You will eventually come back to me

Nobody thinks that they will ever fly

Nobody thinks that rage will ever die

But I know inside of tears there are memories

You will prayerfully come back to me

 

Bridge:

My sight was gone, temporarily

I was roaming around

Doing things unknowingly

Oh, who am I kidding?

I knew what I was doing…

But I regret the past

I want to remove it with a laser

Just come back and, and, and

I will make up for everything..

Your nights will glow

Incredibly, intensely, immensely

Because we shall shine together

Wrapped around each other

Hearts will be touching

Our unity is the greatest power

 

Chorus:

Nobody thinks the hottest desert will receive rain

An immortal sufferer can be freed from their pain

But I know inside hope there is relief

You will eventually come back to me

Nobody thinks that they will ever fly

Nobody thinks that rage will ever die

But I know inside of tears there are memories

You will prayerfully come back to me

Nobody knows the torture that has been

Nobody knows how I long to be purged of my sins

I just want the days that used to be

If you care just a little, come back to me

Nobody bleeds the way that I do

When I’m not there with you

Nobody can save my soul but God, you, and me

If you have any humanity, you’ll come back to me

 

Special out:

Rescue me before I’m gone forever

I can’t stay here all alone

There are four elements to my nature

And none can exist

Without your love, I do miss

Edited October 19, 2005 at 11:03 PM by Sephyr

[Sephyr]

this song is growing on me every day

[Sephyr]

this is the Save rough draft...it's just the beginning melody i recorded on my little computer, i know there is a lot of reverb, it was an acciddent. i think it gives the song a feel of loss. but it gets clearer toward the end.

 

http://s58.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2H6L9PY...Y9211ZZFA3KIGOB

Edited October 23, 2005 at 11:35 PM by Sephyr