I need your help on English grammar

[Chula]

Hi all!

 

I'm not a native English speaker. So I'd like native speakers to edit or adjust my essay. Thank you so very much

 

 

My name is XXX, 24, from XXX. To me, studying a Master Degree concerning European cultural and social development is my greatest dream. Of course, the Euroculture programme truly suits my interest. Thus, I would like to state my personal information and the reason for my motivation in the programme.

 

Concerning my educational background, I have completed a Bachelor of Arts in History from XXX University in 2006. My History courses were related to topics in general – Europe, America and Asia. Meanwhile, my minor was English language. My activities participations, for instance, were a press coordinator at the APEC summit October, 2003 and an internship translator at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in April, 2003.

 

As for career experience, I have worked as a translator since 2006. The area of responsibility in my first job involved news and media, most of them were connected to news programmes featuring European affairs. Meanwhile, my current job focuses on documents translation about human development. These documents introduce the European style of management for business. Both jobs are translation from English to XXX and vice versa.

 

The reason for my Euroculture programme motivation is that I would like to continue my educational interest in European cultural and social development. In high school, I felt that I enjoyed History and especially European history. I found the Renaissance Era very fascinating because it illustrated how Europe evolved into the modern era that finally leads to the European Union. I also studied French language as I thought learning European language was amazing. Therefore, my major in Bachelor Degree was History. My interest truly highlighted on European history. I took 19Century to Present European History and Europe after the World War II. And I got “A” in both courses.

 

Besides, during my first job, I found my degree in History extensively benefited my news translation. One of my teachers told me translation is not just literally turning message from one to another language. On the other hand, background knowledge on the topic of translation is needed. Thus, I realized history background behind any story increased the understanding and accuracy of my job. I am convinced Euroculture will increase my understanding of the current Europe and will largely useful to my career relating to Europe in the future. Moreover, I believe a Master Degree comprised of students with different cultural background will provide me a chance to learn and adopt multiculturalism.

 

To my point of view, after my Euroculture graduation, I will work as a news reporter for English language media organizations in my country. I would like to promote Europe and the European Union affairs to all people community. I believe such understanding of other countries will engender a peaceful life. In conclusion, I am convinced Euroculture will help me advance my prospective career concerning present Europe.

[Alex_Incognito]

I am an english teacher, but at the primary level. I will START correcting your paper---but it will NOT be completely correct.

 

 

Hi all!

 

I'm not a native English speaker. So I'd like native speakers to edit or adjust my essay. Thank you so very much

 

 

My name is XXX, 24, from XXX THIS SORT OF INTRODUCTION IS AWKWARD. THINK OF SOMETHING MORE CATCHY THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE YOUR AGE

 

It is my dream to study European cultural and social development, and I believe that the Euroculture program would be the best option. Of course, the Euroculture programme truly suits my interest. Thus, I would like to state my personal information and the reason for my motivation in the programme. AWKARD STATEMENT.

 

I have completed my Bachelor of Arts in History from XXX University in 2006. My History courses were related to Europe, America (BE SPECIFIC) and Asia. My minor was in English (BE SPECIFIC). My extracuricular activities included press coordinating at the APEC summit October of 2003, and a translating internship at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in April of 2003.

 

I have worked as a translator since 2006. My first job involved news and the media; most of them were connected to news programmes featuring European affairs. Currently, my job focuses on document translations on human development. These documents introduce the European style of management for business.

 

 

 

And that's all I have time for now.

[Edwin]

Also various countries speak English thus how an American would write your paper would be different than a Canadian or a Briton...

[Jay718]

Hi all!

 

I'm not a native English speaker. So I'd like native speakers to edit or adjust my essay. Thank you so very much

 

 

My name is XXX, 24, from XXX. To me, studying a Master Degree concerning European cultural and social development is my greatest dream. Of course, the Euroculture programme truly suits my interest. Thus, I would like to state my personal information and the reason for my motivation in the programme.

 

Concerning my educational background, I have completed a Bachelor of Arts in History from XXX University in 2006. My History courses were related to topics in general – Europe, America and Asia. Meanwhile, my minor was English language. My activities participations, for instance, were a press coordinator at the APEC summit October, 2003 and an internship translator at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in April, 2003.

 

As for career experience, I have worked as a translator since 2006. The area of responsibility in my first job involved news and media, most of them were connected to news programmes featuring European affairs. Meanwhile, my current job focuses on documents translation about human development. These documents introduce the European style of management for business. Both jobs are translation from English to XXX and vice versa.

 

The reason for my Euroculture programme motivation is that I would like to continue my educational interest in European cultural and social development. In high school, I felt that I enjoyed History and especially European history. I found the Renaissance Era very fascinating because it illustrated how Europe evolved into the modern era that finally leads to the European Union. I also studied French language as I thought learning European language was amazing. Therefore, my major in Bachelor Degree was History. My interest truly highlighted on European history. I took 19Century to Present European History and Europe after the World War II. And I got “A” in both courses.

 

Besides, during my first job, I found my degree in History extensively benefited my news translation. One of my teachers told me translation is not just literally turning message from one to another language. On the other hand, background knowledge on the topic of translation is needed. Thus, I realized history background behind any story increased the understanding and accuracy of my job. I am convinced Euroculture will increase my understanding of the current Europe and will largely useful to my career relating to Europe in the future. Moreover, I believe a Master Degree comprised of students with different cultural background will provide me a chance to learn and adopt multiculturalism.

 

To my point of view, after my Euroculture graduation, I will work as a news reporter for English language media organizations in my country. I would like to promote Europe and the European Union affairs to all people community. I believe such understanding of other countries will engender a peaceful life. In conclusion, I am convinced Euroculture will help me advance my prospective career concerning present Europe.

 

 

Good Point Edwin... This is from my American point of view:

 

 

My name is XXX, 24, from XXX. To me, studying a Master Degree concerning European cultural and social development is my greatest dream. Of course, the Euroculture programme truly suits my interest. Thus, I would like to state my personal information and the reason for my motivation in the programme.

 

I would use a better opening line. I would start off by saying: My greatest dream is to enter a program that would give me the opportunity to earn my Master's Degree in European cultural and social development. Then I would follow with My name is XXX... New sentence. The Euroculture program truly suits my interests. I would like to take this opportunity to describe who I am and my motivations to attain my dream.

 

Concerning my educational background, I have completed a Bachelor of Arts in History from XXX University in 2006. My History courses were related to topics in general – Europe, America and Asia. Meanwhile, my minor was English language. My activities participations, for instance, were a press coordinator at the APEC summit October, 2003 and an internship translator at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in April, 2003.

 

I think this is fine until "My activities participations, for instance". I would suggest: During my course of study, I acheived two. major accomplishments. I was the press coordinator at the APEC summit.... Secondly, I was an internship translaltor....

As for career experience, I have worked as a translator since 2006. The area of responsibility in my first job involved news and media, most of them were connected to news programmes featuring European affairs. Meanwhile, my current job focuses on documents translation about human development. These documents introduce the European style of management for business. Both jobs are translation from English to XXX and vice versa.

[b][/b] This is good.

 

The reason for my Euroculture programme motivation is that I would like to continue my educational interest in European cultural and social development. In high school, I felt that I enjoyed History and especially European history. I found the Renaissance Era very fascinating because it illustrated how Europe evolved into the modern era that finally leads to the European Union. I also studied French language as I thought learning European language was amazing. Therefore, my major in Bachelor Degree was History. My interest truly highlighted on European history. I took 19Century to Present European History and Europe after the World War II. And I got “A” in both courses.

 

You need a new intro sentence here. I think I would take out the first sentence and start with the next sentence, "In High school," I would leave everything the same until "therefore, my major in Bachelor Degree was histroy". I would suggest something like: When I decided to pursue my Bachelor's degree, it was without a doubt, history would be my field of choice. Then continue on with the next sentences. As your closing, I would bring back elements from your original intro sentence. I would close by saying something like: The groundwork for my interests in history were layed at an early age. I have the desire and passion to continue my studies in the European cultural and social development program.

 

Besides, during my first job, I found my degree in History extensively benefited my news translation. One of my teachers told me translation is not just literally turning message from one to another language. On the other hand, background knowledge on the topic of translation is needed. Thus, I realized history background behind any story increased the understanding and accuracy of my job. I am convinced Euroculture will increase my understanding of the current Europe and will largely useful to my career relating to Europe in the future. Moreover, I believe a Master Degree comprised of students with different cultural background will provide me a chance to learn and adopt multiculturalism.

 

This paragraph is a bit awkward. I will try to paraphrase:

 

While at my first job, I found my degree in History was extremely beneficial in my news translation. One of my teachers told me that translation is not literally turning messages from one to another language. It is also conveying the feelings, tone, and meaning of the message. To accomplish this, knowledge in the topic of translation is needed. I realized that possesing the history behind the message increased the understanding and accuracy of my job. I am certain that the Euroculture program will increase my understanding of the current Europe. The knowledge that I could gain would be invaluable with my futre career in European affairs. Ultimately, I believe that a Master's Degree program comprised of students with varied cultural backgrounds will provide me with a unique chance to learn and adopt multiculturalism.

 

To my point of view, after my Euroculture graduation, I will work as a news reporter for English language media organizations in my country. I would like to promote Europe and the European Union affairs to all people community. I believe such understanding of other countries will engender a peaceful life. In conclusion, I am convinced Euroculture will help me advance my prospective career concerning present Europe.

 

The first sentence is not correct. I would suggest:

 

After my successful completion of the Euroculture program, I would like to work as a news reporter for English language media organizations in my country. I would like to promote Europe and the European affairs to people all over the world (or all over whatever country you live in). I believe that a point of view that encompasses other countries will promote a peaceful life, for a peaceful world. In conclusion, I am absolutely convinced that your Euroculture program will give me the opportunity to realize my dream and enter a career in European affairs.

 

 

I hope that helps!

 

J

Edited November 26, 2008 at 07:38 AM by Jay718

[Chula]

wow! thank you so much!