Things Ive Learned from Movies

[live to love]

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

 

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

 

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

 

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

 

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

 

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

 

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

 

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

 

Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

 

If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.

 

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

 

A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

 

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

 

When in love, it is customary to burst into song.

 

When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

 

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.

 

Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.

 

If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

 

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

 

Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings from international terrorist organizations - even though the job will require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their own certain death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.

 

All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of operating systems or configuations.

 

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

 

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

 

Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.

 

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

 

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

 

You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing a bow tie.

 

When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.

 

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

 

Having a job of any kind will make father's forget their son's eighth birthday.

 

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

 

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.

 

The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.

 

source:http://www.aaaugh.com/jokes/learn_from_movies.html

[ZoraSourit]

hahaha Very good... And it's true!

[Krys]

[angel_christ]

That cracked me up! It is so true!

 

[Mozinha]

AHAAHAHAHAHAAHHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

FUNNIEST. POST. EVER.

 

I had read this a while ago but still it cracks me up.

[live to love]

glad u liked it theres also this one

 

Excellent Advice I've Learned From Watching Scary Movies

 

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

 

2. Never (ever) read a book of demon summoning aloud, not even as a joke.

 

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

 

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, kill them immediately. It will save you a lot of trouble in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

 

5 . When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

 

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open the portals to Hell.

 

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

 

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

 

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits. Just get out!

 

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

 

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

 

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

 

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

 

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, multi-level marketing, and so on, kill them immediately.

 

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

 

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had a full tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely while being eaten alive.

 

17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the inlaws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

 

18. If you enter a house and a disembodied voice tells you to "GET OUT," listen to the helpful voice and leave.

 

19. Creepy old houses, campsites, or castles are never good places for a party.

 

20. If anyone offers you $1,000,000 if you just stay the night in a house. Just leave and go buy a lottery ticket. Your chances of winning the lottery are slightly higher then your chances of living through the night.

[Krys]

haha...soo true Edited January 1, 2007 at 03:18 AM by lamourpourCeline