Organising the Christmas Party

[firebird]

Quite funny

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 1

RE: Christmas Party

 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a

small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.

 

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

 

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among

employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over

$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This

gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by

our CEO at that time!

 

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

 

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2

RE: Holiday Party

 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often

coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,

from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."

 

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or

those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas

tree present. No Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other

types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?

 

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

 

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3

RE: Holiday Party

 

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm

happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that

reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed

to handle this?

 

Somebody?

 

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the

union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe

$10.00 is a little chintzy.

 

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 

Sincerely

Patty.

 

-------------------

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: December 7

RE: Holiday Party

 

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how

a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim

employees' beliefs.

 

Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end

of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in a

little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

 

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to

the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do

not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes,

there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

 

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing

allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people.

 

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control

the salt used in the food. We suggest for those people with high blood

pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for

Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

 

Did I miss anything?!?!?

 

Patty

 

--------------------

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All #%&$ing Employees

DATE: December 10

RE: The #$%*!@% Holiday Party

 

Vegetarians?!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep

this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so

quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including

organic tomatoes.

 

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice

them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

 

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear

me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

 

The *CENSORED* from HELL!!!!!!!!

 

---------------------

 

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 14

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery

and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,

management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the

afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

 

Happy Holidays!

 

[link]

[Krys]

 

they got one fact wrong though. Ramadan is already over

[kathyc25]

That made my day

[ZoraSourit]

That was really funny lol

[winforlife]

I laughed especially about the tomato

[Lawna]

haha...that was funny!