Mozinha Posted August 7, 2005 at 04:49 PM Posted August 7, 2005 at 04:49 PM (edited) Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities. Edited August 7, 2005 at 04:50 PM by Mozinha Quote http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v487/welovecelinedion/howcute5gv2.jpghttp://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10501;104/st/20080413/e/my+graduation/dt/4/k/f5ff/event.png "And really - isn't NOT caring about what others think of you the hallmark of a cool person?"
.ItOnlyHurtsWhenIBreathe. Posted August 7, 2005 at 11:33 PM Posted August 7, 2005 at 11:33 PM OMG! I love them! I can't believe those were actually posted! Quote Je t'aime Cèline!Alleyse
Clari Posted August 8, 2005 at 12:24 AM Posted August 8, 2005 at 12:24 AM LMAO! A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.A long time ago I saw something similar to that in an announcement! Quote http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v226/CelineSmiles/hamster.gif CLARiSSA Xxx... "Music touches every sense. It can move you to tears, bring joy to your heart, stir sexual passion, evoke memories, and prompt physical responses of all kinds." -Benoît Jutras
celine_rules Posted August 10, 2005 at 07:04 PM Posted August 10, 2005 at 07:04 PM (edited) these are so funny! i couldn't stop laughing! Edited August 10, 2005 at 07:06 PM by celine_rules Quote http://www.eseats.com/images/spotlight/vegas.jpg
Mozinha Posted August 10, 2005 at 09:07 PM Author Posted August 10, 2005 at 09:07 PM Aha Jokes LOL You'll find much more on this site. Quote http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v487/welovecelinedion/howcute5gv2.jpghttp://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10501;104/st/20080413/e/my+graduation/dt/4/k/f5ff/event.png "And really - isn't NOT caring about what others think of you the hallmark of a cool person?"
Koolan Posted August 11, 2005 at 04:52 AM Posted August 11, 2005 at 04:52 AM Quote Please support the forum by ordering through our Amazon.com referral link below. Click here to go to the Amazon homepage.
piglot82 Posted August 11, 2005 at 06:33 AM Posted August 11, 2005 at 06:33 AM Quote http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b119/Piglot82/heartsig1.jpg
DjCeline Posted August 12, 2005 at 10:03 AM Posted August 12, 2005 at 10:03 AM this is sooo freakin' funny!!!!! Quote http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/DjCeline/thereasonigoonsiggycopy.jpg http://therasmusforum.com/images/streetteam/promo/blackroses08.jpg http://therasmusforum.com/images/streetteam/promo/banner_streetteam1.jpg
raluca Posted August 12, 2005 at 10:05 AM Posted August 12, 2005 at 10:05 AM Quote J'aimerais tant savoir Souffler comme le vent Sur ton doux visage Faire partir le noir, disparaître le temps Casser les nuages Parler même tout bas Juste pout toi et moi De petits riens Mais là-bas Au loin, tu nages... http://static.eventful.com/store/stickers/flash/assets/split/300x45_mid-black.gifhttp://static.eventful.com/store/stickers/flash/assets/split/300x30_bottom-black.gifView all Bucharest events at Eventful
kristen Posted August 17, 2005 at 05:46 AM Posted August 17, 2005 at 05:46 AM Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.<{POST_SNAPBACK}>nice a little crazy though.....nah loved em!!!! Quote KRIS _da>>> kringle:D
mazceline Posted June 19, 2006 at 08:48 AM Posted June 19, 2006 at 08:48 AM (edited) Im wondering if anyone has any jokes to share, to spread some smiles around, no sick ones though please, Im not very good at them so ill start off with a bad one and hope we get some good ones....... GOT MESSAGE IT READS Hi its only me, im at hospital, i ate what i thought was a ONION, but found out it was a flower BULB, the doctor says ill be out next SPRING........... Your turn, i know you can beat that one... Edited June 19, 2006 at 08:49 AM by mazceline Quote http://i16.tinypic.com/7yg8tv8.jpgSignature made by the webmiss of www.celinerific.comCeline is in 2 words MY ANGEL x x
Krys Posted June 19, 2006 at 08:51 AM Posted June 19, 2006 at 08:51 AM wanna hear a dirty joke? a white horse fell into the mud Quote
mazceline Posted June 19, 2006 at 09:04 AM Posted June 19, 2006 at 09:04 AM Want to her a clean joke.... Ill tell you when i get out of the Bath Quote http://i16.tinypic.com/7yg8tv8.jpgSignature made by the webmiss of www.celinerific.comCeline is in 2 words MY ANGEL x x
Krys Posted June 19, 2006 at 09:05 AM Posted June 19, 2006 at 09:05 AM Patient: Doctor, doctor, i have only 59 seconds to live!Doctor: Please wait for a minute Quote
mazceline Posted June 20, 2006 at 09:51 AM Posted June 20, 2006 at 09:51 AM come on some one must have some jokes out there? Quote http://i16.tinypic.com/7yg8tv8.jpgSignature made by the webmiss of www.celinerific.comCeline is in 2 words MY ANGEL x x
VanMerlin Posted June 20, 2006 at 01:08 PM Posted June 20, 2006 at 01:08 PM Sorry Maz, I have no sense of humour. Quote
disadiva Posted June 21, 2006 at 10:30 PM Posted June 21, 2006 at 10:30 PM Sorry Maz, I have no sense of humour.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> So whats up dog,, Dog who let the dogs out Quote http://i46.tinypic.com/2nvtcpl.jpg
VanMerlin Posted June 21, 2006 at 10:47 PM Posted June 21, 2006 at 10:47 PM Woof...woof woof woof. Quote
catwomanrrr Posted June 21, 2006 at 11:44 PM Posted June 21, 2006 at 11:44 PM Why am I not laughing yet? Would anyone like to hear a "Yo Momma" joke? Quote http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n28/rhymereason/dreambig.jpg
VanMerlin Posted June 22, 2006 at 01:04 AM Posted June 22, 2006 at 01:04 AM Q: What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress' nametag? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?'' Quote
Krys Posted June 25, 2006 at 04:10 AM Posted June 25, 2006 at 04:10 AM Q: why did the chicken cross the road?A: because he saw a hot chick on the other side Quote
celinerific Posted June 25, 2006 at 04:20 AM Posted June 25, 2006 at 04:20 AM okay, i have a few... 1) Three men were competing against each other. They challenged each other to swim across a 10 Km lake (about 8-9 miles i think...) and so the first guy swam 3 km and was too tired to continue and then swam back. The second guy swam 4 km and was too tired to continue and then also swam back. The thirs guy got to 5 km and was so tired he also swam back. 2) Three men meet on a bridge and they all meet a fairy. The fairy said to each of them. "Make a wish and jump off this bridge and then you'll land in your wish." So the first guy wishes for lots and lots of money. He jumps off and lands in a HUGE pile of money. The second guy wishes for the most luxerious home. He jumps off and lands in a beautiful house. The third guy accidently trips off the bridge and says, "OH s***!" 3) A man is walking down the beach and accidently kicks a lamp (a genie lamp) then, just for the fun of it he kicks it more. Then, a genie pops out and goes. "Hey! Watch where you're going! I'll grant you three wishes and them stop kicking me! But under one condition. Each wish you make, the person you hate most will get double of what you wish for." So the man made his wishes. First he wished for 22 million dollars. He got it, then the person he hated most (his boss) got 44 million dollars. Then, the man wished for a sports car, and his boss got two. In the end, the man thought carefully about his last wish and told the genie, "You know, I've always wanted to donate a kindney." Quote http://i58.tinypic.com/2qbub9c.png @ErikaTran | Insta: aireexwp | erikatran.com
mazceline Posted June 25, 2006 at 07:06 AM Posted June 25, 2006 at 07:06 AM i love it,, ha ha vanny that was very funny for you... Quote http://i16.tinypic.com/7yg8tv8.jpgSignature made by the webmiss of www.celinerific.comCeline is in 2 words MY ANGEL x x
celinerific Posted June 28, 2006 at 12:44 AM Posted June 28, 2006 at 12:44 AM Haha, I got another one for you guys. Please, if anyone is a blonde, don't be offended, it's just a joke. Q: What do you do when a blonde chick throws a grenade at you?A: You take the pin out at throw it back. Quote http://i58.tinypic.com/2qbub9c.png @ErikaTran | Insta: aireexwp | erikatran.com
catwomanrrr Posted June 28, 2006 at 01:05 AM Posted June 28, 2006 at 01:05 AM Haha, I got another one for you guys. Please, if anyone is a blonde, don't be offended, it's just a joke. Q: What do you do when a blonde chick throws a grenade at you?A: You take the pin out at throw it back.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> Quote http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n28/rhymereason/dreambig.jpg
mazceline Posted June 28, 2006 at 07:07 AM Posted June 28, 2006 at 07:07 AM Haha, I got another one for you guys. Please, if anyone is a blonde, don't be offended, it's just a joke. Q: What do you do when a blonde chick throws a grenade at you?A: You take the pin out at throw it back.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> hey im blonde..... do they really have pins in them ha ha ha ha Quote http://i16.tinypic.com/7yg8tv8.jpgSignature made by the webmiss of www.celinerific.comCeline is in 2 words MY ANGEL x x
celinerific Posted June 28, 2006 at 11:53 PM Posted June 28, 2006 at 11:53 PM Ahahaha! Well, yes of course! Here's antoher jokitty joke joke... This one, I think, sounds pretty lame... What did she do to Kcuf walking down the street? She spelled his name backwards. Quote http://i58.tinypic.com/2qbub9c.png @ErikaTran | Insta: aireexwp | erikatran.com
winforlife Posted June 29, 2006 at 09:36 PM Posted June 29, 2006 at 09:36 PM I would add one,but I always forget the punchline Quote http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v119/LKlafter1/1367035680_small.jpg
Cambroneroj Posted October 2, 2006 at 10:08 PM Posted October 2, 2006 at 10:08 PM A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon". Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire." And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!" The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women." Quote
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