I Have To Rant

[Yangedd]

So, today I'm getting verbally and emotionally abused on Facebook by my Aunt Polly and my very distant cousin Karen. Here's the story: My Mother passed away two years ago in Feb due to cancer. My Dad is a chronic alcoholic who always had problems with falling and hurting himself. Well, during the months following my Mum's death, I split from my partner Markus and moved back in with my Dad to look after him because of his drinking. His sister Polly and niece (My cousin) Karen began sticking their noses into out business and started accusing me of not looking after my Dad well enough, They were constantly on the phone wanting to know if I had the house cleaned, the fire lit and a dinner cooked for my Dad. I can honestly say that I did all them things. I also cleaned up his vomit from the floor every time the Vodka became too much on his stomach and mopped the blood off the floor when he had a drunken fall. I was under pressure. I eventually got back together with my Partner and moved back in with him. This is when the torrents of abuse really started with his family. They sent abusive Txt messages, called me up and called me a loser for abandoning my Dad and publically shamed me on with public messages. My Partner flipped and that's when a war was waged. We decided to move to Dublin away from the family to give me a break. The Txts kept on coming, the calls kept on coming and the Facebook messages got worse. I have Borderline personality Disorder and don't respond well to pressure. I have been in and out of hospital due to my nerves and eventually had to be prescribed Valium and Ativan for the chronic anxiety they caused. It hasn't stopped two years down the line. My Dad recently had a massive stroke due to his drinking and we nearly lost him. I, of course, travelled down the three hours to Cork to the hospital to see him when he was in the coma. Yesterday he was moved to a nursing home and again the Txts, calls and Facebook messages arrived with torrents of abuse asking me where I was when all this happened. I have now changed my number and blocked them on Facebook. I honestly don't think it's fair of them to ask me where I was. I cleaned up the vomit, I mopped up the blood and I looked after him in the months following my Mum's death even though my mental health wasn't the best. I am very anxious today, but feel better after changing my number and blocking them on Facebook. I know you guys don't know me from Adam and I'm not really a regular poster on the forum, but I just had to get this out. I'm sorry for ranting and going on, but I'm sick to death of always being the one to get it when something goes terribly wrong. I apologize and rant over. I'm sorry once again.

[Ray]

I would have blocked them day one on Facebook.

[Daniel Hamilton]

Oh My god I'm so sorry that is so sad. You did a good thing of looking after your father when he needed you you love him very much which is good. You needed a break after all that your family should have realized that. You love your dad very much and i'am happy for you and i agree its always a good idea to have a break.

 

I'm glad you had a nice break with your boyfriend and your family should have come down and looked after your dad while you were away instead of insulting you.

 

You did nothing wrong ok.

 

You will always love your dad and you will always try to help him but Breaks are important cause stress is not healthy and your family should have realized that.

So don't stress yourself ok. Its your families loss if they disown you. You are a good person mate

[Daniel Hamilton]

Sorry i miss read what you typed sorry. His and your family should never abuse or insult you both and if his and your family disown you both or what ever then that's their loss . You 2 are doing the best to help your loved ones and you 2 Deserved that break very much cause getting stress like that isnt healthy at all and your family should have realized and help look after your dad so you can calm down with the stress and relax for a bit

 

You 2 are not to blame. You 2 are good people

Edited June 7, 2013 at 11:16 PM by Daniel Hamilton

[ErwinG]

So sorry to hear my friend ... you didn't do anything wrong!!! I would have blocked them from day one to avoid having to deal with them ... you did the best you could with your father, once someone is an compulsive drinker there is no one that can change that ... change will come when something very extreme happens, and in this case his stroke ... you will always be there for your father, but your Aunt Polly and cousin Karen are just assuming you were not taking care of him ... let them get crazy and scream whatever they want ... you keep taking care of yourself and go visit your father when you can ...

[Daniel Hamilton]

You love your father very much and always look after him but if you feel stressed then ask someone to look after your father ok cause breaks are important. Ok

[Bell]

Well, I think you did all the right things, you did your best in a very bad situation. You should be proud of yourself for making all the right decisions even under pressure. Everyone who doesn't appreciate you and what you've done... Well, they deserve to be out of your life, I'd say.

[Yangedd]

Thanks very much guys. I really appreciate the support. I have done all I can. I needed to move to Dublin or I would have had a complete breakdown. People are right though. I should have blocked them from day one. I am currently in a Facebook group called "Understanding Borderline". Well, Karen followed a post I made there one day and completely shamed me publically by replying that it was my fault that my Dad was drinking. How is that possible? I DIDN'T make him drink and have a stroke. True, I moved away, and I killed myself with gilt over that for two years, but I needed to for my own sanity. They are all blocked now, but this morning I got another friend request on Facebook from Karen under a new profile. I of course blocked that profile immediately. I hate drama with a passion. I just want a quiet life with my partner and be able to enjoy myself. Like today for example: The both of us went out the back yard in the sun and enjoyed one Pina Colada. It was lovely just relaxing and being away from the drama my family seem to love to cause. I apologise once again for ranting. I appreciate the support you guys have given me. It's great. Like I said, I just want a peaceful life with my partner away from drama. I phone the hospital every day to check on my Dad, but it seems it isn't enough. The family will never forgive me for walking away and getting my own life. I have already mentioned, and I won't go into details on a public forum, but I have been in and out of hospital many times due to stress and my nerves. I simply cannot handle or want no part in the drama they seem to love creating for me. Well, today I am going to forget them and spend a lovely evening with my partner in the sun. Thank you so much guys for being supportive. It really means a lot to me, and sorry again for going on. I know this is a long post, but just trying to get it all out of my system.

[ErwinG]

Relax and enjoy your day ... even though you will never forget what has happened, it's good to take some time for yourself ... and I think, if you ever need to see your dad, just do it ... don't let family keep you away ...

[Ray]

I agree with Erwin.

 

It's good you think of your own sanity and your own life with your partner.

And don't let anyone hold you back when you do want to see your father.

But I wouldn't let those negative family members in my life. Especially not on FB.

[Yangedd]

I have to admit that I am a little scared of going down to see my Dad because there's a chance I'll bump into them. They are always there at the hospital. But, that being said, I have every right to be there too so I shouldn't be even thinking about it. Thank guys

[Lindah1984]

Hey, just read your story and I just want to say, Good Luck! And don't be sorry for ranting!

 

[takeachance]

Don't be sorry Sounds like you have had a crappy time and sounds to me like you did a great job minding your dad, many children would not have done what you did, so be proud of yourself. I am so glad you have changed your number and blocked those people from facebook, I would have advised you to do just that. I know its easier said than done, but please try ignore all the abusive things they have said to you. You know in your heart you did the best you could. So just think of that and concentrate on your relationship with your dad, not their relationship with him, or their relationship with you. Just walk away from them and close the door (As Celine might say!!) they are making you feel very bad and currently have not got your best interests at heart.You also need to think about your anxiety which you describe, so keeping away from these people and removing contact is so the right thing to do. I hope your dad is doing ok. If you come into contact with them again physically I would just keep your head high and politely tell them you don't wanna talk ....id be true with them.Just concentrate on your dad and communicate as little as you can with them......Good for you removing them on facebook and phone, they shouldn't of been at you so much PS: Alcoholism is a disease and there is nothing you could ever do about your dad being one Edited July 10, 2013 at 03:15 PM by takeachance

[Yangedd]

Thank you so much everyone. I've had a hard time with them, I won't deny that, but they are removed from my life now. Only my Brother has my new number and I'm after telling him not to give it to them under any circumstances. Dad is doing good. Being moved into a nursing home real soon and I will be down to visit in the coming weeks. As for Polly and Karen. They can hate me all they want, but I made a decision based on my Mental Heath and I stand by that decision to move to Dublin with my partner. Of course I feel guilt, I always will for leaving my Dad, but I HAD to go. Thank you guys so much for the support and for understanding. I am very grateful and I appreciate it so much

[QueenCeline87]

Just read your story and I'm so glad you have blocked these people out of your life.

You sound like a great, genuine guy who has done your best by your dad and that's all anyone can do.

Seems to me these people giving you a hard time are just venting anger that maybe they have at themselves out on you!

Concentrate on the relationship with your dad and your own happiness with your partner!

You know in your heart you made the right decisions and if you follow your heart , you can never go wrong!

Best of Luck with everything!

 

[Yangedd]

Just read your story and I'm so glad you have blocked these people out of your life.

You sound like a great, genuine guy who has done your best by your dad and that's all anyone can do.

Seems to me these people giving you a hard time are just venting anger that maybe they have at themselves out on you!

Concentrate on the relationship with your dad and your own happiness with your partner!

You know in your heart you made the right decisions and if you follow your heart , you can never go wrong!

Best of Luck with everything!

Thanks very much girl. That means a lot to me

[Jeff Abbott]

Thanks very much girl. That means a lot to me

Stick to the decisions you once made. You're the only one who knows what's best for you, not others.

[Yangedd]

Stick to the decisions you once made. You're the only one who knows what's best for you, not others.

 

Thanks David