Sign In
Create Account
1
Quote
Hear it and weep
Daisy Kay
As HSBC plan to pump music into their branches to relieve queuing customers of boredom, the Guardian cheerily tells us of their top 25 most miserable tracks.
Tom Reynolds, author of I Hate Myself and Want To Die - catchy - lists the songs that make him want to reach for the rope.
You Don't Bring Me Flowers by Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand makes No23: “Streisand should have recorded it alone, since the lyrics are clearly from a woman's point of view; no self-respecting guy ever complains about not getting flowers or hearing any love songs.”
But it’s not quite sad enough to get the razors out of the bathroom cabinet.
Bruce Springsteen’s The River is at 22 and Celine Dion’s cover of Eric Carmen's 1970s hit All By Myself is at 20, although it should be at No1 because it makes most people want to top themselves.
“Had Ms Dion been around during D-Day, the Allies could have dropped her off at Omaha Beach with a PA system and have her sing All By Myself until the German infantry bayoneted themselves.”
Of course The Cure gets a mention, as do Don Williams and Pink Floyd, but they don’t make it into the top ten. That’s reserved for Marianne Faithfull’s Sister Morphine, Hurt by Nine Inch Nails and Billie Holiday’s Strange Fruit, “Strange indeed and insufferable, too”.
Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart gets a worthy mention at four, a bleating love song dedicated to a rabbit.
But the No1 most miserable track is The Christmas Shoes by Newsong. Released in 2000, apparently it went around the internet like wildfire and spawned “a best- selling novella and a top-rated TV movie”.
We still think Robson and Jerome, Cheeky Girls and Steps were robbed.
Daisy Kay
As HSBC plan to pump music into their branches to relieve queuing customers of boredom, the Guardian cheerily tells us of their top 25 most miserable tracks.
Tom Reynolds, author of I Hate Myself and Want To Die - catchy - lists the songs that make him want to reach for the rope.
You Don't Bring Me Flowers by Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand makes No23: “Streisand should have recorded it alone, since the lyrics are clearly from a woman's point of view; no self-respecting guy ever complains about not getting flowers or hearing any love songs.”
But it’s not quite sad enough to get the razors out of the bathroom cabinet.
Bruce Springsteen’s The River is at 22 and Celine Dion’s cover of Eric Carmen's 1970s hit All By Myself is at 20, although it should be at No1 because it makes most people want to top themselves.
“Had Ms Dion been around during D-Day, the Allies could have dropped her off at Omaha Beach with a PA system and have her sing All By Myself until the German infantry bayoneted themselves.”
Of course The Cure gets a mention, as do Don Williams and Pink Floyd, but they don’t make it into the top ten. That’s reserved for Marianne Faithfull’s Sister Morphine, Hurt by Nine Inch Nails and Billie Holiday’s Strange Fruit, “Strange indeed and insufferable, too”.
Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart gets a worthy mention at four, a bleating love song dedicated to a rabbit.
But the No1 most miserable track is The Christmas Shoes by Newsong. Released in 2000, apparently it went around the internet like wildfire and spawned “a best- selling novella and a top-rated TV movie”.
We still think Robson and Jerome, Cheeky Girls and Steps were robbed.
Back to top
